By-election bug begins to bite in Fife

First a confession; I love good by-elections. And the battle for Dunfermline and West Fife is certainly that.

Nominally a sure-fire Labour certainty - thanks to the 11,562 majority left by the late and much lamented Rachel Squire - this has all the indications, superficially at least, of a proper contest.

The political parties certainly think so. As I remarked in this space last week, the edginess displayed by Gordon Brown is giving all his competitors grounds for optimism.

And as we enter the last few days of campaigning, it's still there for Labour to lose. But if the Great Broon is to continue as Labour's point man then I think he's got to up his act a bit. His repertoire is getting, well, somewhat stale. It appears to consist of him turning up at factory gates and pointing off into the middle distance, at some pipes or cables or suchlike, and mouthing platitudes about "jobs and prosperity".

Not that the latter don't count - of course they do. But what he appears to have difficulty in grasping is that it is his own creations - devolution and the Scottish Parliament - that are at the root of the problems Labour is having in Fife.

And make no mistake, win or lose, this by-election is set to be another body blow to the relationship - such as it is - between Labour at Westminster and Labour at Holyrood. And not withstanding the phoney double act between Mr Brown and Jack McConnell yesterday, if Labour do badly, it will be because of issues that have nothing to do with Westminster, as is so often now the case given our totally confused way of doing things.

The two main talking points are the Forth Road Bridge tolls and the downgrading of Dunfermline's St Margaret's Hospital in favour of the Victoria Hospital, which just happens to be in Mr Brown's Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath constituency.

The tolls issue has dominated the opening stages of the battle and the parties have basically fought each other to a standstill on this one - with the SNP as the main beneficiary. However, I have a feeling that it is the hospital that will become more important as we approach polling day. It is certainly the issue that I heard most about during my visits to the constituency last week.

Older people - the ones most likely to vote - feel especially aggrieved that their hospital is being 'rationalised' in a downwards direction.

Because health policy is a devolved issue, again it is Labour who are seen as the culprits. And for all that she is a capable candidate, Catherine Stihler is not convincing in her replies on this issue.

For his part, Willie Rennie is proof of the Lib Dem maxim that they grab all the credit but give Labour all the blame for devolved policy. And from his replies on the St Margaret's issue one would be forgiven for thinking the Lib Dems are in opposition at Holyrood.

Still, Mr Rennie is the most assured of the candidates and those who write off his chances because of the machinations at the top of his party do so at their peril. There is a huge Lib Dem campaign team in Dunfermline and, at the very least, they won't give up their second place easily.

The candidate who's most high profile on the hospital issue is the SNP's Douglas Chapman. But I'm afraid this by-election is maybe a bit too high profile for him. His performance at a well-attended Thursday press conference, when - Baldrick-like - he said he had a cunning plan to re-invigorate Dunfermline's High Street, was very poor.

And, talking of Baldrick, will someone please buy Mr Chapman some decent clobber? That anorak he insists on wearing makes him look like a door-to-door brush salesman.

Still, for so long as Alex Salmond is around, you can't rule out the Nats, and while I couldn't spot a wheelbarrow rolling in their direction, never mind a bandwagon, I reckon that the Nats are beginning to make hay on the hospital issue.

Carrie Ruxton's job is to get people talking about the Scottish Tories as a reasonable option yet again. Apart from wearing too much make-up, her smiling, moderate approach plus oodles of media coverage and the not inconsiderable Cameron effect is helping her do that all right.

The runner-up spot would be an undreamed of triumph for the Tories, but probably her best hope is for a significantly increased share of the vote.

Who will be paying for the taxis for university challenger Boris?

A MUCH more important election campaign is also under way this week and I am astonished to discover that my old friend and colleague Boris Johnson has taken up with a rum crew.

It transpires that he is being sponsored in his bid to be rector of Edinburgh University by none other than Brian Monteith, right, whom regular readers may remember was the chap who ratted on his party leader, David McLetchie, when the latter was being assailed from all sides about his parliamentary expenses.

It now turns out that Mr Monteith was no slouch either in fraudulently filling his pockets at the public's expense - claiming for taxis home from Edinburgh's watering holes.

I am not so much astonished that he's been found out but that the establishments in question admitted Mr Monteith in the first place. Times must, indeed, be hard.

In view of Boris's unhappy - although I'm sure wholly innocent - association with Mr Monteith, I must advise the electors in this contest to opt for "Honest" Magnus Linklater... The Rector You Can Trust. Why, he even bought me lunch last week - and I don't have a vote.

Smoke, mirrors and make-believe voters

THURSDAY'S by-election walkabouts by David Cameron and Charlie Kennedy were incredible to behold for the simple reason that they were too good to be true.

The TV and newspaper pictures made it look as though both men were surrounded by excited voters and well-wishers. They weren't - they were surrounded by reporters and photographers and, especially in the case of the Lib Dems, by bussed-in party workers.

No self-respecting politician can ever be seen to be alone nowadays, and so whenever there is a camera around, the party leader and candidate are mobbed by pretend voters.

The upshot in Dunfermline was that Mr Cameron spoke to fewer voters than he would otherwise, and Mr Kennedy spoke to hardly any. Does anyone care? Actually, I think both men should.

Mr Cameron impresses almost everyone he talks to, while Mr Kennedy is brilliant 'on the stump' and must remain a significant force if his party has any sense. Mind you, that's not a given any more.

By the way, during his walkabout on Thursday Mr Kennedy was heard to cry out: "Is that a voter I see, standing next to that edifice called Alan Cochrane?"

Needless to say I am consulting my lawyers. I will not be called an "edifice" by anyone.

Scotsman